Changes

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? Do you even know? Would you change anything at all? Is there something that you are thinking but if you say it out loud you would take it back because you don't want someone to know?

There are soo many things I want to change about myself..or things that I say I want to change. And when I start thinking about how things would be if things were that way...and I think..uhhh nahh I dont wanna be like that.

Or how about something that you have done? Would you go back and change it? Of course there are things in my life that I would do differently, like my past relationship that I base everything in my life off of. Huge mistake but anywaaays... I know that me and my ex were meant to be together, things happened the way they did because there was stuff we had to do. Like I had to go to school and get an education and find out what I want from life, and he had to get a girl pregnant and should be having the baby soon..my reason makes sense..his ..not soo much. We'll see. I am a firm believer in the quote "everything happens for a reason" I base everything I do on that. If something is happening...theres a damn good reason for it..I may not see it now but I will someday, and I will be thankful. I will.

Another thing..thats really important. I want to speak my mind. I am extremely passive. I rarely have an opinion on anything. Or one that I speak out loud. The more I think about it, I wonder about my beliefs. What do I think? I really don't know. My opinions are based entirely on the moment. It's almost like bipolar-opinionated-cluster-fuck disorder. Well that's what we will call it.


The more I think about these things the more it makes me realize how there are people that want to be like me. Careless. Laid back. Goofy at all times..never serious. I am pretty facking cool. Not gonna lie. K Bye.

I dunno

Meow.

I am the worst person at keeping stuff in order. I can trash a room in 2 minutes with one piece of paper. I will forget what someone tells me while I'm still listening. If it wasnt for my dad my bills would not get paid, not because of the money, I have that. He writes checks and has me sign them. Or makes me sit down at the computer to pay them. I'm like a 2 year old.

I am careless. Not in a disgusting way. I care what I look like and what I do. I am careless in a way that I uhh don't care. I dont care about stuff. Like anything. A discussion in my psych class last night was about me..I dont cry. I havent cried good in 6 years. I know it is the prozac, and it's probably a good thing I am happy and fun.

I know I say it a million times...but maybe I should go off of my meds? I do not know who I am. My personality is drugged. I don't feel things, I dont give a fuck.


I've been thinking a lot lately about getting a boyfriend. I dont have time for one at all. And honestly I don't really want one..and not even to get married and have kids because I really don't think I am mother material. I would be a good mom...but I dont think I want to be a mom. If I get knocked up I am deleting this post so I don't look like an idiot.

Why did I even say that. I could delete it. But no. Then you wouldnt get the full effect of all the thoughts in my brain.

Whatever.

P.S. I work out now and stuff. Not like real working out..but I have sweated.