Changes

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? Do you even know? Would you change anything at all? Is there something that you are thinking but if you say it out loud you would take it back because you don't want someone to know?

There are soo many things I want to change about myself..or things that I say I want to change. And when I start thinking about how things would be if things were that way...and I think..uhhh nahh I dont wanna be like that.

Or how about something that you have done? Would you go back and change it? Of course there are things in my life that I would do differently, like my past relationship that I base everything in my life off of. Huge mistake but anywaaays... I know that me and my ex were meant to be together, things happened the way they did because there was stuff we had to do. Like I had to go to school and get an education and find out what I want from life, and he had to get a girl pregnant and should be having the baby soon..my reason makes sense..his ..not soo much. We'll see. I am a firm believer in the quote "everything happens for a reason" I base everything I do on that. If something is happening...theres a damn good reason for it..I may not see it now but I will someday, and I will be thankful. I will.

Another thing..thats really important. I want to speak my mind. I am extremely passive. I rarely have an opinion on anything. Or one that I speak out loud. The more I think about it, I wonder about my beliefs. What do I think? I really don't know. My opinions are based entirely on the moment. It's almost like bipolar-opinionated-cluster-fuck disorder. Well that's what we will call it.


The more I think about these things the more it makes me realize how there are people that want to be like me. Careless. Laid back. Goofy at all times..never serious. I am pretty facking cool. Not gonna lie. K Bye.

I dunno

Meow.

I am the worst person at keeping stuff in order. I can trash a room in 2 minutes with one piece of paper. I will forget what someone tells me while I'm still listening. If it wasnt for my dad my bills would not get paid, not because of the money, I have that. He writes checks and has me sign them. Or makes me sit down at the computer to pay them. I'm like a 2 year old.

I am careless. Not in a disgusting way. I care what I look like and what I do. I am careless in a way that I uhh don't care. I dont care about stuff. Like anything. A discussion in my psych class last night was about me..I dont cry. I havent cried good in 6 years. I know it is the prozac, and it's probably a good thing I am happy and fun.

I know I say it a million times...but maybe I should go off of my meds? I do not know who I am. My personality is drugged. I don't feel things, I dont give a fuck.


I've been thinking a lot lately about getting a boyfriend. I dont have time for one at all. And honestly I don't really want one..and not even to get married and have kids because I really don't think I am mother material. I would be a good mom...but I dont think I want to be a mom. If I get knocked up I am deleting this post so I don't look like an idiot.

Why did I even say that. I could delete it. But no. Then you wouldnt get the full effect of all the thoughts in my brain.

Whatever.

P.S. I work out now and stuff. Not like real working out..but I have sweated.

Oh snap

I am quadruple-olar.

Why have I not been arrested for some sort of anger problem. But I dont get mad at things that are normal. I get mad over stupid stuff. And not even really mad...just lil emotions like where you lock your teeth together and do that squeeze thing until your face turns a cool shade of purple/red and you do a weird shake thing.

And yes...I am still on Prozac.

Just a few things that pissed me off today...

1)The coffee pot at work has an unidentifiable leak in it...and only leaks all over the table on certain days. Doesnt make sense.

2)I work with an elderly man that feels the need to talk to me alot. I love him to death and usually on a good day we hang out all day. Today..he was in my office a few too many times, saying our normal jokes where hes all like I'm gonna spank you if you're bad...and I'm all like you wish you could.


3) My office phone. Rang at least 74 million times today.

4)The DVR at my parents. Best thing ever for them because I dont think they make VHS tapes anymore.
Anyways...to make a short story long.
My niece picks up a lot of awesome slang words from her awesome aunt. ME.
I taught her to say "ohhh snap" when something is the shit.
My dad loves this and he laughs uncontrollably a lot about it.
There is a home makeover remodel salvage junk yard show that he dvr'd and the people on the show said "ohh snap" twice.

So I'm sitting in the living room on my laptop working(facebook)...and I get summoned to the recliner room.

This is just something I gotta see he says.
Oh wait..hold on..how is it you rewind.
OH yah dad what are you showing me.
Just Wait. Listen.
And there it is....freakin hilarious.
Couldnt you just tell me they said "ohh snap" twice in the whole 30 minute show.


I will refrain from whining anymore. Thank you blog for giving me a place to BITCH.

Not in order.

It's already 2011. I am totally looking forward to this year. I am making everything about myself. ( I kinda already do that..pretty much) But I always heae people say that ..."this is the year of ME" Lol whatevers.
But for reals yall..this year I really am gonna focus on myself. I've got some issues that I need to deal with. My brain is the major thing, I am literally nuts. I can't do anything, my ADHD/bipolarcraziness is taking over my life. And I dont mean that in an awwwww you poor thang...I mean it in a damn wtf why do I let this control my life kinda way. I am on meds and I still am a super unorganized, forgetful, airheaded can't finish anything kinda girl. Anyone have any advice to make my adhd go away? Maybe a website or even better an iphone app? (apps control my life) (obviously not well)

And is there any way maybe possibly this is all in my head? Maybe I forget stuff by choice? And I cant think straight because I dont want to? Am I forcing myself to ruin my life and I dont even know it? Is there an app to find out?

OMG I'm watching the Flintstones movie and never realized Orson from desperate housewives is Freds boss. Anyways...school starts in a week and I should probably get my ass in gear ...considering I will be taking 20 hours this semester...and working my full-time job. Does that sound insane...I THINK SO. Maybe I'm just whiney and it really isn't gonna be that hard. I can obviously handle it.
Yabba dabba DOOO.


Oh and another thing, I have started a diet. Like a real one. Not one of those ones where you work out...but just eat 1200 or less calories a day. HARDEST THING EVER. I track my calories on my Iphone cause my iphone controls everything in my life. Where would I be without that thing...I have an alarm to wake me up in the morning, to remind me to grab my purse, to take my medicine, to do stuff at work. yadddy yadda...theres an app for everything. And the diet app that I am using is MyFitnessPal. Love it, it tells me what I'm gonna weigh in a few weeks if I eat like I've been eating. I like that.

P.S. I went to my friends kids birthday party yesterday, aka cake and ice cream. I didnt put that on my tracker cause I'm a big FAT LIAR to my fitness pal. But we are pals, it will be ok.

AND BY THE WAY....This bird and fish thing lately is freaking me out to a point that I cant even research it. AND I literally research everything. WILD.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I'M BAAACK FOR REAL!!! PROMISE!

Short n sweeeeeet and no point ...heyyyy

Wow oh wow..have I actully been busy. I dont even think I could sum my past few weeks up in one post...

School..School...School
Thats what my life consists of at all times...I dont even have time to get laid (ill blame it on that ok)

And technically I've become pretty facking boring. Im not even fun anymore (SIIIIIKE)...but when I get a chance I dont even want to go anywhere. How superlame..whats up couch potato..right??

I had a birthday a few weeks ago...26...yah...I'll talk about it later.

Anyways...Random ramble..

Do you ever have one of those moments when you feel like you are looking in on your life and you're not really in it? It's a show...and you're watching it and you're all like ...seriously.

The saying "OUT OF MY MIND"
yup thats me....
I'm just lost...
It's not like I'm depressed...I'm very happy no doubt..but I just need something..don't know what. But I'm looking for shit...

Back to school fool :)

I used to get soo excited about school starting. Back when school was fun...

Problems I had ...

Who am I gonna sit beside at lunch?

What bag of chips am I going to buy for "snack"

Recess...should I read goosebumps or play red rover red rover?


Where am I going to ride my bike to after school?

HOLY SHIT...spelling test every friday??

Does that bitch have the same trapper keeper as me?

Alphabetical order?

Pencil pouch or pencil box?

NEW crayons



Things just arent that simple anymore...

Yesterday..I headed out to the local walmart to pick up some school supplies ..notebook paper and notebooks, basic shit.

And a PLANNER..because my goal is to be extremely organized this semester because if I dont get straight A's I'm pretty much screwed.

I fill up my buggy with all my shaat..and head to the checkout..
And for some dumbass reason the planner I wanted was recalled...the cashier named Matt could have explained that. But no he wanted to just throw it in his bin under the register and say I CANT SELL THIS TO YOU!!! So I'm all smartass'd and say BUT IM 21?? he said no .. I really cant sell it to you. Why not Matt?? Because it's recalled. But its a notebook? I'm not gonna choke on it? Are you just having a bad day matt?? No...I'm not selling it to you. MATT...I need to talk to a manager you are RUDE. No I'm not MAM. Yes you are MATT. You are being horribly rude to be and you are not friendly at all..and if you work at walmart its part of the damn job. This went on for about 6-7 minutes until I was done being mean to him. I don't know what got into me. My friends thought it was entertaining...and I think they are sorta scared of me now..cause they know I dont take shit.